Why is having the conversation so difficult?

I have a confession to make to you, dear reader: sometimes it’s hard for me to start the religion conversation outside the church.

Recently, I attended a picnic thrown by another group that I belong to and I was shy. I barely spoke to a soul at the picnic. I had worn my church tee shirt and barely a soul spoke to me.

I was introduced by a person who knew me as a priest—this friend introduced me as the Vicar (that is, the religious leader of my community) “Oh dear”—the fellow said, “I’d better watch my language then.” I had a great opportunity to find some clever come back, to ask him, what can the church do in our community to be of the most help. Or even what’s your perception of the church or of faith? Anything… and I squandered the chance.

I left the picnic asking myself why is this conversation so difficult? Immediately, I began to think of Thanksgiving…

Every year, on our way to Thanksgiving Dinner with my Aunt, my mother would remind us that we were NOT to talk about Religion or Politics over turkey—such topics were not the trappings of polite conversations.

I know that I am not alone in hearing this phrase about religion and politics. Every time I mention the above little vignette, I see heads nod. I see eyes light up in recognition, I hear a chuckle or get a comment, “boy do I know that one!” I suppose its almost cliché. However, this is a part of our background—in our minds, banging up against other ideas all the time.

Now of course, the skeptic in me just has to ask—was Mom right about EVERYTHING? Well, of course not but…

Then there’s knock on the door at the most awful moments in time… and there they are —fellow Christians of some iteration pedaling their church and unfortunately, their motivation is one that makes my skin crawl.

The motivation is that everyone is damned except them and THEIR WAY. A favorite sassy writer that I follow calls folks that believe in this way, “Douchy Christians”.

Putting those two things together, add in the fact that the majority of Episcopalians are Introverts, throw in the mindset of 1950’s/1960’s culture of everyone goes to church and being church looks like a building that people go to, and you have a perfect storm for making the conversation difficult.

How do we have the conversation with those that are outside the walls—and start it incrementally—that is build momentum, build up our skill set of having the conversation slowly, creating skills and understanding so that our church, the Episcopal Church is having that conversation in NEW ways—not knocking on doors and demanding that people join us or else, but rather hearing from people what they long for and want, and telling them what we offer, and figuring out ways that we can be good news in our LARGER communities. That’s where the conversation needs to go.

Recently, two Christian writers that I follow talked about having the conversation outside the church walls through online relationships:

Tom Ehrich’s reflection of July 13 (of morning walk media) talked of faithful conversations online—not as a replacement to eye ball to eye ball conversation, but as a way to meet people where they are—online talking about faith not just with those that have faith but also those that do not.

He talked about some of the virtues of having online relationships—you aren’t judging people based on who they are—age race gender looks etc but you are talking to them, meeting people where they are online. Ehrich makes some great points, he does not mention how rude and out of hand online conversations can get—especially when you are talking about faith.

More telling than Erich’s reflection was one offered by John Shore on his blog. John did something creative. He went on Craig’s List and did the following: I’m “asking non-Christians to send me any short, personal statement they would like Christians to read.

“Specifically,” I wrote, “I’d like to hear how you feel about being on the receiving end of the efforts of Christian evangelicals to convert you. I want to be very clear that this is not a Christian-bashing book; it’s coming from a place that only means well for everyone. Thanks.”

Within days his inbox was full of well over 300 messages—messages that just break my heart—messages about how people find us to be pushy, intolerant and belligerent. To read the article, see the URL below.  (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/unfundamentalistchristians/2013/07/what-non-christians-want-christians-to-hear/)
Needless to say, it is a difficult conversation that’s has so much attached to it. 

The question I ask of you, dear reader, is how do you have the conversation with people outside church walls? How do you tell people about your faith? What would you want them to know about your church? What is our good news that we have to share and why should we want to share it?

If you dear reader, are someone that’s stumbled here that is not church, thank you for reading this. Really.

To you, I ask how do we start the conversation with you—and make it a real conversation—not me just ramming my thoughts down your throat or you just trying to run away from me as fast you can? How do we begin to have a respectful conversation about what you think the church is? What should the church know about you? What is the one thing the church needs to do to be good news in our larger community?

Maybe this is the place to start the conversation… here online. And maybe if we get some good conversation happening here, then we might start talking in other places—like coffee houses with our friends or in each others’ yards.

And yes, it does need to happen. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the public engagement of Christian to be boiled down to words such as bigot, intolerant and yes, douchy Christian.

I want to change the conversation on Christianity. I want the conversation to be not about intolerance, but instead about community. I want the conversation to be about justice instead of bigotry.

I know the conversation is difficult but if want to really be the church—that Christ’s body that is called out to be good news in our community then we have got to have the conversation— and I hope that that conversation starts here.

+George

Summer Vacation

For 6 years I've been an acolyte at my church. I truly love this ministry but I suppose the one sticking place comes in Summer. Every time I serve on the altar, I'm relying on the rest of the acolytes signed up that day to show up. During autumn, winter, and spring this is not a big problem. If one acolyte doesn't show, (typically little kids) there are more to pull from in the congregation. Summer is the one case where that isn't true.

Attendance in church across all ages drops considerably during the summer months. To compensate, some churches drop entire services, combining them with another morning service to keep the pews full. Now of course, I'm not pointing fingers. I too love to go off and vacation during the summer. And here in Washington, summer is truly the only time that one really can unless you travel out of state.

I can't help but wonder how many vacationers actually make it to a Sunday service. I know that in most cases, I have not.

But why? Is there not another church in your denomination nearby? Maybe you're backwoods camping and trying to get away from civilization and be recaptured by God in His Cathedral. Maybe it is simply that you do not want to go to anything but your church.
How does this change the life-time member into a tedious newcomer?

Tell me what you think in the comments below.


Robert

Is Church Boring?

“Boring.” When asked what 5 words come to mind when they think about church, this was one of the top responses from people who identify themselves as unchurched. I was surprised that this word rose toward the top of the list.

As a mom of 3, I have often told my kids it’s okay to be bored in church sometimes, but we’re going anyway. I have to admit to being bored sometimes myself on a Sunday morning. I tell myself that church is a welcome and needed respite to the rest of the week, when we are constantly bombarded with distraction and entertainment. Is feeling bored in church a positive signal that your brain and heart are taking a break, that you are about to begin contemplating, praying, and feeling in a way you haven’t had the space to do for the rest of the week? Or has our culture changed so much that we are missing the boat – and are losing the opportunity to reach those who have come to expect more than a sense of boredom on Sunday?

Kelly

What's In These Wordles? An Abundance Of Manna For Faithful Explorers

What is in these Wordles? How does this "manna of words" mean for us? Upon close examination, what clues do we find here that might guide us toward a vision of Church that God is inviting us to claim? Can this manna of words, both sweet and sour, inform and also correct us as we act to be the Body of Christ wherever we are in the world? For 99% of us that is mostly outside church walls.

Those are deep questions that our Outside Church Walls group only began to explore when we gathered last Friday at the welcoming home of the Gay City Health Project in Seattle. You can be certain we will share our discoveries and insights with you as we digest how we view these descriptive words of Church as valuable markers for "people of the way".

Thank you, thank you to each of you – the 1,299 of you - who chose to enter into this journey with us by offering the gift of your descriptive words for CHURCH. I hope you will continue to come on along with us – with your prayers, with your hopes, with your thoughts. How do these two Wordles mean for you? (Note: All the detailed and raw data about these Wordles are found in blogs on this web-site by Robert, our gifted statistician; July 1st, "So What Do People Think of Church?", and July 12th, Raw Survey Data Now Available.)

Christ's Peace
MaryAnn

Raw Survey Data Now Available

I have posted all of the responses to our survey on a separate page, here. You can also click on the link on the left. Thank you for your patience and happy data reviewing!

Robert

July 12th Meeting - Opening Worship

At today's meeting we began with this video. Share your thoughts below

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to complain about how much better the old one was.

While that old joke plays on perhaps outdated stereotypes, it does point out that change can make many of us uncomfortable (indeed, an alternative punch line is simply, “Change?!?”). Yet change need not necessarily be traumatic. It can be as simple as recognizing and adapting to new situations.

Most of the people I interact with on a daily basis, including my closest friends, have never been to church. That’s par for the course in the Pacific Northwest where, according to Professor Samuel Torvend’s research, up to 70% of the population is second-generation unchurched. Put another way, most people in our region are outside church walls and, most of the time, so are we.

I recently asked an unchurched friend of mine, a teacher in her forties, what it would take for her to attend church. I expected a long period of thoughtful reflection, but she answered without hesitation, “historical relevance.”

I asked her to elaborate and she said, “If I lived in Europe, I would go to church every day. There is something about those old buildings and their centuries-old traditions that are attractive. I would know that I was a part of something that had been going on for a long time and continuing into the present. I just couldn’t go to a church in a strip mall.”

Her comments were revealing. The first thing I noticed is a recognition of the European, particularly English, heritage of the Episcopal Church in a country where today fewer and fewer people trace their ancestry and cultural identity to that part of the world. We need to make sure that we are not mired in the past while at the same time preserving the traditions and heritage that make up our identity, and which have served to attract people over time. Frankly, I think we’re uniquely positioned to do this.

One of the strengths of Anglicanism is its ability to adapt to other countries and cultures. It takes on national characteristics, while retaining core values like relying on Tradition, Scripture, and Reason. Episcopalians, as Anglicans, value the via media, and have worked with other traditions to advance common ecumenical goals. I’m proud of that.

As our own country and culture change, it is important that the Episcopal Church lead that change. I think we’re doing just that. Last month, for example, I was at the ordination of new priests at St. Mark’s. The new priests were made up of different ages, ethnic groups, and sexual orientations. The service and materials were in both English and Spanish. Yet the service itself did not reflect any of the individual identities of the priests, who themselves reflect our nation’s changing demographics. Our liturgy is what holds us together, despite individual differences. I’m proud of that, too.

And the service took place in the physical beauty of the cathedral. While I realize that the people are the church, we are fortunate that our buildings, whether simple or elaborate, provide us with a contemplative and dignified setting for worship. I think that’s what my friend was getting at with her comment about not wanting to go to church in a shopping center.

As we have a discussion on how we may need to change or adapt to meet the realities of the 21st Century, I think it’s important that we make sure that we preserve the traditions that have attracted and retained those of us who are already here. In other words, as we engage with those outside church walls we ought not to turn our backs on those within them. In my opinion, our via media is our core strength and the perfect way to go about doing that. The Episcopal Church attracts recovering Roman Catholics and recovering Evangelicals equally well. If we can attract people to our center from those polar opposites, I think we’re doing something right. Our church is big enough for all kinds of viewpoints and lifestyles without having to become identified with any particular one of them. I’d like to see us engage recovering atheists as well, and I think we can.

Two keys to managing change are a beautiful liturgy and the Book of Common Prayer, both of which are carefully crafted to allow for as much diversity of belief and opinion as possible. Episcopalians are not bound by Confessions of Faith or Statements of Belief; that means that we don’t tell people what to think. That’s important, in my view. I believe that’s the historical relevance my friend was talking about; a tradition that is rooted in the past, appropriate to the present, and evolving towards the future. I often joke that the BCP is so carefully worded that it’s possible for two people to pray those prayers while each sincerely hoping for an opposite outcome. I think that’s a strength, and something upon which we can build a solid future.

Nevertheless, we can’t be everything to everyone, and we shouldn’t try too hard. Not everyone will be called to be an Episcopalian, or even a Christian, and that’s OK. We might be Episcopalians, but God isn’t. If we keep that in mind, I think the church will do just fine.

Brad

Why meet outside the church?

We hear this question quite a bit on our team. I’ve had clergy ask me the point of meeting offsite when we have so many buildings and places to meet. I had one priest announce to me that it was futile to do so and another say it was their humble opinion that this was just a novel thing to do.

Wow. I don’t think the team had any idea that meeting outside church property would generate conversation. I am curious about why something as simple as meeting some place else besides the Bishop’s Office or on other church property would create such a buzz. I wonder what that says about us as an organization—that something as simple as choosing to meet in a different place creates conversation.

Our facilitator, Greg Rhodes chose to hold our first meeting of our group at Seattle Central Community College as a reminder to our team that our work is to connect with people outside church walls. Many of us in the group responded so favorably to meeting outside church property that we chose to make it our common practice.

Our name says it all—outside church walls. We are thinking about ways to engage people outside the walls of our building. Our choosing to meet outside church property is an opportunity for us to practice meeting different people in different places, engaging different spaces and neighborhoods.

We have a monthly chance to be church outside of our buildings and that is a great privilege. We have a monthly chance to be the diocese outside of 1551 10th Avenue in Seattle. What a great privilege for each of us on the team to remember that church is not a building but a body and a diocese is not a collection of buildings or one head-quarter building in Seattle rather, a relationship among people in a particular geographic region.

One of the best conversations to my recollection was one our team had in the Seattle Public Library. We discussed the functionality of the building versus the functionality of our church buildings—how the spaces differed, what we could learn from the space we were using in the library. Every space we have used and the people we have come into contact with in those spaces and organizations have been opportunities to reflect on engaging people outside ourselves—even if our engagement with others is small, I think its good start and practice.

This practice of our team reminds me of something I did years ago in my work life as a priest. I made a regular practice of walking to a neighboring park to do some thinking. Across the street, away from the church that I served, I found two things to be very useful about this practice:

1. I came back to church with a better perspective for having been outside church walls—some of my most creative ideas and thinking took place at that park.
2. I had numerous conversations with people from the neighborhood. Some were members of the church but many were not. 

In many ways, OCW’s practice of meeting off site reminds me of those walks. I think some of our best thinking might arise from being outside, off site.

In every space we are in, I find myself thinking, how is this like or not like my church’s building. Could our space benefit from being like this? What’s the hospitality like in this place?

What is this space’s atmosphere express to me, how would I engage people about life? I wonder if they would want to know about church or faith? I wonder what think of the Episcopal Church—do they even know it exists?

People are off kilter when they come to church—especially if they have never been inside of a church! Part of my monthly meeting practice is to notice how I am oriented to a new space whether or not I feel like I can find my way around. What I do notice that helps me or doesn’t help me. How is my congregation that I serve similar (or not) to this?

I will admit to you, dear reader, that there are those OCW Fridays (that’s when we meet) that I wake up thinking, “Oh crap where on earth are we meeting today?” And I imagine that it is a bit more work and hassle on our facilitator. However, I think the value of being outside far out weighs the sticking to the usual pattern.

In reflecting on this further I think if someone were to ask me today why does OCW meet off campus, I would answer their question with a question and that question might go something like this:

Why do you take trips or travel?
Why do you take personal retreats away from home or why do you take retreats with varying organizational boards?

I think the answer is in looking at that which is outside of our experience that invites us to broaden our perspective. If nothing else, it would be a very rich conversation to have! I hope someone asks me this question again sometime soon—I’m looking forward to that next conversation I have about OCW’s meeting practice.

George+

Freedom

We all know a bit of what it means to be free. As Americans we live in a free country after all. Freedom is a core concept in the American identity. But in truth what is the real extent of our freedom? Can we do anything we want? What are the constraints of our lives -our children, our neighbors, our parents? What are the constraints of the vows we take, or the contracts we sign; the titles we hold, the roles we play, the jobs we do, or the laws we follow? What does it mean to be free? Are you free… really?

There is a great line from the Gospel of Luke describing Jesus prior to going to Jerusalem for the last time. He has just arrived at a Samaritan village and the people deny him hospitality because “his face is set toward Jerusalem” (Luke 9:53). It is a line that piqued my curiosity. What does it mean that “he sets his face toward Jerusalem?” And why does that provoke such a response from the Samaritans?

The text reads (with edits & additions for clarity):

“On their way to Jerusalem,
they, that is the disciples,
enter a village of Samaritans
to prepare for Jesus’ stay there; 

but the Samaritans did not receive him,
because his face was set toward Jerusalem.”

And so I ask, what about Jesus’ face provokes the Samaritans response?

Paul’s letter to the Galatians focuses my thinking on this with his words, “For you were called to freedom brothers and sisters… ” The keyword, the word I believe inscribed upon Jesus’ face, is freedom; the freedom he exercised and the freedom he inspired in those he met along the way. When Jesus set his face toward Jerusalem he knew he was heading toward the place where the people who feared him the most resided. He did this freely, knowing (and this is a key theological point for understanding Jesus) that he would not do anything, at all, period, full stop, to deny others the power to exercise their freedom. And thus, he knew that in their fear they would kill him. This is the freedom expressed upon his face.

The most powerful person to ever walk the face of this earth exercises his power by refusing to use it to deny anyone else their freedom. This pervasive practice started with the Samaritans, but then extended to Judas, Peter, Ananias, Caiaphas, Pilate, Herod, and the soldiers who marched Jesus to Calvary and nailed the spikes into his hands and feet. This practice continues in our lives today.

Freedom is a divine gift given with no strings attached. It is what endows us (that is, all of humanity) as beings made in the image and likeness of God. We are free, as the Samaritans were free, and they freely chose to reject Jesus. They saw that option, that invitation written on his face. God gives us the same choice.

Now here is what I believe: the only true freedom we have is the freedom to choose or to reject God. It is our birthright as God’s beloved children. It is the gift that God gives us, and God gives it to us equitably.

Now here is the powerful paradox of Christianity: when we freely choose to give our life to God, we set our face toward the kingdom of God. When we set our face with urgency and an utter sense of resolve, we experience real freedom, and in doing so, transform all the things that bind us from burdens to blessings. This is the freedom that the church offers the world. It is the gift Jesus has made known to us and that we are called to make known to others. To forget this or not to do this is to miss the point of our purpose. When we miss the point, the church is diminished and stagnation ensues.

Doyt Conn+
Rector
Epiphany Parish Seattle

So What Do People Think Of Church?

Our first project as a team was based around a question: how do people outside church walls view the church? And how does that differ from those who are regular church goers? The '6 Words About Church' Survey sought to answer this question. In total, we polled 1,300 people from across the diocese, state, and nation. Less than 23% of those polled classified themselves as not regularly attending church.While we would have liked to see that number closer to 50%, most unchurched people seemed to respond along similar lines.

To display our results, I've generated two Wordles. Try to guess which one is from people who are unchurched and those who are churched. (The size of each word is proportional to its frequency of being a word in people's responses.)

On the surface, they seem rather similar. The top responses in both categories include the words worship, love, peace, family, faith, prayer, jesus, god, music, and community. However, if you look at the smaller words the differences become clear.
If you haven't already guessed, the lower Wordle is from unchurched people. It's common words such as brainwashing, boring, hypocritical and others are where the contrast between the two groups is most evident.

Looking at the Wordle from regular attenders of church also has some interesting qualities. It appears that it has much less variety when it comes to responses than the unchurched. This illusion (if I can use that word?) is caused by the word 'community'. It had twice the number of occurrences than the next most popular word, love. So all the other words simply are in too small a font to see at this scale.

So to wrap this up. The majority of people, churched or not, see the church as a community, a family, a place to worship, a place to pray. Some people, slightly more unchurched than churched, see the church as a building. It was stained glass windows, some are Catholic, it has a religion, it is a place, it takes out time on Sunday morning. And a few people, more unchurched than not, have been very hurt by the church, and likely continue to be.

Each person sees the church from their perspective. A completely honest perspective, despite strong differences in opinion to others. From my perspective, I see the church as a having a mission to fulfill. The church is meant to do nothing else than incarnate the Body of Christ. Loving, Helping, Teaching, Serving, Hoping, Believing. Now that we know where we are, we can set out to where we are going.