“She/he isn’t doing the right things.”
This is often how we talk about each other, especially where we’re struggling. Clergy point toward their congregations and claim, “They aren’t willing to (fill in the blank).” Parishioners point toward their clergy and say, “She/he doesn’t (fill in the blank).” We blame and deflect.
In healthy, productive organizations pronouns tend toward “We” and “I”.
“We are starting a new community food program, and I have committed to….” Or it might be, “We are struggling to agree about how to move forward, and I have committed to participate honestly in the conversation and pray that God’s will be done.” These pronouns don’t preclude disagreement or honest feedback, but they do shift the ground we’re standing on.
Our behavior isn’t surprising; we see it throughout our culture. However, it isn’t spiritually or organizationally healthy. It doesn’t make us attractive to Most People (to borrow from Brad). It especially doesn’t make us attractive to younger people, who express great frustration and despair about blame and shame in our broader culture.
We’re the people who emphasize grace. We recognize the presence of Jesus in the other. These things are attractive; they come from and reflect God. I commit to language that builds rather than blames – with God’s help.
Greg
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