Today I had the privilege of meeting a young woman for coffee. I had met her awhile back when she was a student at Evergreen. She had grown up Evangelical and left Christianity behind for Buddhism. Why had she left Christianity? She chose to leave Christianity while attending high school and falling in love with science; particularly environmental science. Her church did not have space for a person of science or a woman who challenged the idea of women being inferior to men. So she left.
While attending college, she took a class where she came into contact with other religious traditions and discovered Buddhism. She loved the silence and the practice deeply but felt that something was missing for her. Somehow she missed Jesus.
When I met her, she was just about finishing up her senior year and was on her way out of state to attend graduate school. She began to come to the Episcopal Church and fell in love. She fell in love with the mystery she told me. She loved the ancient practice, and that science was embraced by our tradition. She loved that women could be leaders.
I helped her figure out the Episcopal church in her new city. So here we were some time later with her coming into town to visit her family. Naturally, one of my first questions was how was her new church working out for her.
She hesitated and looked away. I encouraged her to be honest with me.
It had not worked out well. By her third Sunday there, someone had finally said hello to her. By her fifth week, she was asked to join the Vestry (the church board).
The place felt desperate.
She declined to join the church board but instead got involved with the Altar Guild. I thought it would be spiritual she told me. I thought we would hav silence and learning about the traditions behind all of those beautiful things. Instead, I was scolded for not knowing how to iron and our meetings were bitch sessions about how much the guild hated the Rector and how none of us knew what we were doing.
She stayed close to a year but in the end chose to leave. When I asked her to sum up her experience there, the word she used was superficial.
She’s left and is beginning to explore other churches. She wants to find a place to truly practice her Christianity.
I know this young lady to be a person of incredible maturity for her age. I know her to be someone who can persevere and is an incredible leader. She is working on her masters in marine biology and wants to devote her life to conservation of our oceans. She sees it as her ministry.
She is passionate about this fragile earth our island home and all things green. She loved the language of Eucharistic Prayer C in the Book of Common Prayer. It was a conversion moment for her the first time she prayed that prayer. She was amazed when I told her about our current Presiding Bishop. She scoured the internet looking for videos of talks and sermons given by our PB. She would desperately like to be an Episcopal Christian but sadly, the only Episcopal Church in her area is not open to her gifts.
She wanted to start a Centering Prayer Group but no one else wanted to join her. She joined the Earth Ministry group but when she started talking about things beyond ride your Bike to Church Sunday and Prayers of the People that mention the environment, the group became uneasy. They were not sure about forums on climate change and ocean acidity. They certainly not open to the idea of asking the church to divest stock funds from big oil companies. She loved to join a Bible Study or a book club or other small group but the only one available to her is during the day when she is at school.
The next closest Episcopal Church was not any better and neither one even seemed to notice when she left.
And so another one walks out the door. The pew is empty—did anyone notice?
I wanted to tell her it would be different if she lived in our diocese here in Western Washington. I will say there are many bright spots in our region—there are places that are thriving and vital, place doing amazing ministry. Many places however are struggling; mired down in complex situations from their past or too afraid to embrace new ways of being for their future. We are so afraid of failure that we hold on to the old rut we are stuck in hoping for different results. And so we decline.
I left my coffee date feeling a bit sad. Another young person squandered and lost.
I wonder when will we wake up and stop being complacent about the ones leaving church?
There you are, beloved readers. No neat endings or pleasantries; just an empty pew.
George
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