Why is having the conversation so difficult?

I have a confession to make to you, dear reader: sometimes it’s hard for me to start the religion conversation outside the church.

Recently, I attended a picnic thrown by another group that I belong to and I was shy. I barely spoke to a soul at the picnic. I had worn my church tee shirt and barely a soul spoke to me.

I was introduced by a person who knew me as a priest—this friend introduced me as the Vicar (that is, the religious leader of my community) “Oh dear”—the fellow said, “I’d better watch my language then.” I had a great opportunity to find some clever come back, to ask him, what can the church do in our community to be of the most help. Or even what’s your perception of the church or of faith? Anything… and I squandered the chance.

I left the picnic asking myself why is this conversation so difficult? Immediately, I began to think of Thanksgiving…

Every year, on our way to Thanksgiving Dinner with my Aunt, my mother would remind us that we were NOT to talk about Religion or Politics over turkey—such topics were not the trappings of polite conversations.

I know that I am not alone in hearing this phrase about religion and politics. Every time I mention the above little vignette, I see heads nod. I see eyes light up in recognition, I hear a chuckle or get a comment, “boy do I know that one!” I suppose its almost cliché. However, this is a part of our background—in our minds, banging up against other ideas all the time.

Now of course, the skeptic in me just has to ask—was Mom right about EVERYTHING? Well, of course not but…

Then there’s knock on the door at the most awful moments in time… and there they are —fellow Christians of some iteration pedaling their church and unfortunately, their motivation is one that makes my skin crawl.

The motivation is that everyone is damned except them and THEIR WAY. A favorite sassy writer that I follow calls folks that believe in this way, “Douchy Christians”.

Putting those two things together, add in the fact that the majority of Episcopalians are Introverts, throw in the mindset of 1950’s/1960’s culture of everyone goes to church and being church looks like a building that people go to, and you have a perfect storm for making the conversation difficult.

How do we have the conversation with those that are outside the walls—and start it incrementally—that is build momentum, build up our skill set of having the conversation slowly, creating skills and understanding so that our church, the Episcopal Church is having that conversation in NEW ways—not knocking on doors and demanding that people join us or else, but rather hearing from people what they long for and want, and telling them what we offer, and figuring out ways that we can be good news in our LARGER communities. That’s where the conversation needs to go.

Recently, two Christian writers that I follow talked about having the conversation outside the church walls through online relationships:

Tom Ehrich’s reflection of July 13 (of morning walk media) talked of faithful conversations online—not as a replacement to eye ball to eye ball conversation, but as a way to meet people where they are—online talking about faith not just with those that have faith but also those that do not.

He talked about some of the virtues of having online relationships—you aren’t judging people based on who they are—age race gender looks etc but you are talking to them, meeting people where they are online. Ehrich makes some great points, he does not mention how rude and out of hand online conversations can get—especially when you are talking about faith.

More telling than Erich’s reflection was one offered by John Shore on his blog. John did something creative. He went on Craig’s List and did the following: I’m “asking non-Christians to send me any short, personal statement they would like Christians to read.

“Specifically,” I wrote, “I’d like to hear how you feel about being on the receiving end of the efforts of Christian evangelicals to convert you. I want to be very clear that this is not a Christian-bashing book; it’s coming from a place that only means well for everyone. Thanks.”

Within days his inbox was full of well over 300 messages—messages that just break my heart—messages about how people find us to be pushy, intolerant and belligerent. To read the article, see the URL below.  (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/unfundamentalistchristians/2013/07/what-non-christians-want-christians-to-hear/)
Needless to say, it is a difficult conversation that’s has so much attached to it. 

The question I ask of you, dear reader, is how do you have the conversation with people outside church walls? How do you tell people about your faith? What would you want them to know about your church? What is our good news that we have to share and why should we want to share it?

If you dear reader, are someone that’s stumbled here that is not church, thank you for reading this. Really.

To you, I ask how do we start the conversation with you—and make it a real conversation—not me just ramming my thoughts down your throat or you just trying to run away from me as fast you can? How do we begin to have a respectful conversation about what you think the church is? What should the church know about you? What is the one thing the church needs to do to be good news in our larger community?

Maybe this is the place to start the conversation… here online. And maybe if we get some good conversation happening here, then we might start talking in other places—like coffee houses with our friends or in each others’ yards.

And yes, it does need to happen. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the public engagement of Christian to be boiled down to words such as bigot, intolerant and yes, douchy Christian.

I want to change the conversation on Christianity. I want the conversation to be not about intolerance, but instead about community. I want the conversation to be about justice instead of bigotry.

I know the conversation is difficult but if want to really be the church—that Christ’s body that is called out to be good news in our community then we have got to have the conversation— and I hope that that conversation starts here.

+George

Summer Vacation

For 6 years I've been an acolyte at my church. I truly love this ministry but I suppose the one sticking place comes in Summer. Every time I serve on the altar, I'm relying on the rest of the acolytes signed up that day to show up. During autumn, winter, and spring this is not a big problem. If one acolyte doesn't show, (typically little kids) there are more to pull from in the congregation. Summer is the one case where that isn't true.

Attendance in church across all ages drops considerably during the summer months. To compensate, some churches drop entire services, combining them with another morning service to keep the pews full. Now of course, I'm not pointing fingers. I too love to go off and vacation during the summer. And here in Washington, summer is truly the only time that one really can unless you travel out of state.

I can't help but wonder how many vacationers actually make it to a Sunday service. I know that in most cases, I have not.

But why? Is there not another church in your denomination nearby? Maybe you're backwoods camping and trying to get away from civilization and be recaptured by God in His Cathedral. Maybe it is simply that you do not want to go to anything but your church.
How does this change the life-time member into a tedious newcomer?

Tell me what you think in the comments below.


Robert

Is Church Boring?

“Boring.” When asked what 5 words come to mind when they think about church, this was one of the top responses from people who identify themselves as unchurched. I was surprised that this word rose toward the top of the list.

As a mom of 3, I have often told my kids it’s okay to be bored in church sometimes, but we’re going anyway. I have to admit to being bored sometimes myself on a Sunday morning. I tell myself that church is a welcome and needed respite to the rest of the week, when we are constantly bombarded with distraction and entertainment. Is feeling bored in church a positive signal that your brain and heart are taking a break, that you are about to begin contemplating, praying, and feeling in a way you haven’t had the space to do for the rest of the week? Or has our culture changed so much that we are missing the boat – and are losing the opportunity to reach those who have come to expect more than a sense of boredom on Sunday?

Kelly

What's In These Wordles? An Abundance Of Manna For Faithful Explorers

What is in these Wordles? How does this "manna of words" mean for us? Upon close examination, what clues do we find here that might guide us toward a vision of Church that God is inviting us to claim? Can this manna of words, both sweet and sour, inform and also correct us as we act to be the Body of Christ wherever we are in the world? For 99% of us that is mostly outside church walls.

Those are deep questions that our Outside Church Walls group only began to explore when we gathered last Friday at the welcoming home of the Gay City Health Project in Seattle. You can be certain we will share our discoveries and insights with you as we digest how we view these descriptive words of Church as valuable markers for "people of the way".

Thank you, thank you to each of you – the 1,299 of you - who chose to enter into this journey with us by offering the gift of your descriptive words for CHURCH. I hope you will continue to come on along with us – with your prayers, with your hopes, with your thoughts. How do these two Wordles mean for you? (Note: All the detailed and raw data about these Wordles are found in blogs on this web-site by Robert, our gifted statistician; July 1st, "So What Do People Think of Church?", and July 12th, Raw Survey Data Now Available.)

Christ's Peace
MaryAnn

Raw Survey Data Now Available

I have posted all of the responses to our survey on a separate page, here. You can also click on the link on the left. Thank you for your patience and happy data reviewing!

Robert

July 12th Meeting - Opening Worship

At today's meeting we began with this video. Share your thoughts below

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to complain about how much better the old one was.

While that old joke plays on perhaps outdated stereotypes, it does point out that change can make many of us uncomfortable (indeed, an alternative punch line is simply, “Change?!?”). Yet change need not necessarily be traumatic. It can be as simple as recognizing and adapting to new situations.

Most of the people I interact with on a daily basis, including my closest friends, have never been to church. That’s par for the course in the Pacific Northwest where, according to Professor Samuel Torvend’s research, up to 70% of the population is second-generation unchurched. Put another way, most people in our region are outside church walls and, most of the time, so are we.

I recently asked an unchurched friend of mine, a teacher in her forties, what it would take for her to attend church. I expected a long period of thoughtful reflection, but she answered without hesitation, “historical relevance.”

I asked her to elaborate and she said, “If I lived in Europe, I would go to church every day. There is something about those old buildings and their centuries-old traditions that are attractive. I would know that I was a part of something that had been going on for a long time and continuing into the present. I just couldn’t go to a church in a strip mall.”

Her comments were revealing. The first thing I noticed is a recognition of the European, particularly English, heritage of the Episcopal Church in a country where today fewer and fewer people trace their ancestry and cultural identity to that part of the world. We need to make sure that we are not mired in the past while at the same time preserving the traditions and heritage that make up our identity, and which have served to attract people over time. Frankly, I think we’re uniquely positioned to do this.

One of the strengths of Anglicanism is its ability to adapt to other countries and cultures. It takes on national characteristics, while retaining core values like relying on Tradition, Scripture, and Reason. Episcopalians, as Anglicans, value the via media, and have worked with other traditions to advance common ecumenical goals. I’m proud of that.

As our own country and culture change, it is important that the Episcopal Church lead that change. I think we’re doing just that. Last month, for example, I was at the ordination of new priests at St. Mark’s. The new priests were made up of different ages, ethnic groups, and sexual orientations. The service and materials were in both English and Spanish. Yet the service itself did not reflect any of the individual identities of the priests, who themselves reflect our nation’s changing demographics. Our liturgy is what holds us together, despite individual differences. I’m proud of that, too.

And the service took place in the physical beauty of the cathedral. While I realize that the people are the church, we are fortunate that our buildings, whether simple or elaborate, provide us with a contemplative and dignified setting for worship. I think that’s what my friend was getting at with her comment about not wanting to go to church in a shopping center.

As we have a discussion on how we may need to change or adapt to meet the realities of the 21st Century, I think it’s important that we make sure that we preserve the traditions that have attracted and retained those of us who are already here. In other words, as we engage with those outside church walls we ought not to turn our backs on those within them. In my opinion, our via media is our core strength and the perfect way to go about doing that. The Episcopal Church attracts recovering Roman Catholics and recovering Evangelicals equally well. If we can attract people to our center from those polar opposites, I think we’re doing something right. Our church is big enough for all kinds of viewpoints and lifestyles without having to become identified with any particular one of them. I’d like to see us engage recovering atheists as well, and I think we can.

Two keys to managing change are a beautiful liturgy and the Book of Common Prayer, both of which are carefully crafted to allow for as much diversity of belief and opinion as possible. Episcopalians are not bound by Confessions of Faith or Statements of Belief; that means that we don’t tell people what to think. That’s important, in my view. I believe that’s the historical relevance my friend was talking about; a tradition that is rooted in the past, appropriate to the present, and evolving towards the future. I often joke that the BCP is so carefully worded that it’s possible for two people to pray those prayers while each sincerely hoping for an opposite outcome. I think that’s a strength, and something upon which we can build a solid future.

Nevertheless, we can’t be everything to everyone, and we shouldn’t try too hard. Not everyone will be called to be an Episcopalian, or even a Christian, and that’s OK. We might be Episcopalians, but God isn’t. If we keep that in mind, I think the church will do just fine.

Brad